Emergency Underpants

Everyone has a pair. They are the staple to every wardrobe, closet and chest of drawers. They are the dirty little secret that nobody admits they own. They rarely see the light of day and should have been burnt many, many years ago. They are emergency underpants.

Yesterday morning I awoke in a good mood. I had stayed on top of my household chores and had done literally all of my washing accumulated throughout the week. The one drawback with such domestic efficiency is (and was) that everything I possessed was now wet and in need of drying off. Now as I’d hung it all up in the evening I assumed, probably over enthusiastically, that at least a third of my stuff would be at least reasonably dry. By reasonable, I mean damp around the waistline but generally suitable for use. Alas, upon waking up in a good mood, I was pushed to a near depression when I discovered my clothes (including almost all of my underwear) were still sopping wet. I mean titanic laundry service wet. I mean underwater with moisturising cream wet. Bugger.

Much of my day is shaped by my morning routine, and to have that challenged by fate really gets on my tits. Of course, as soon as one is faced with obstacles in the morning, one must actually think around the problem. For those that know me well, thinking before eight in the morning just doesn’t happen. In fact it’s a painful and tragically complicated process of wandering around in circles, talking under my breath and swearing at the occasional cushion.

Suddenly it dawned on me, I had my Emergency Underpants; In the back of a wardrobe, in a suitcase not touched since I returned from New York in December! Oh yes!

I pulled it out, found my pants and held them on high with a gesture of success. I slipped them on, felt simultaneously dirty and capable of facing the day (an odd combination of feelings I’ll admit) and strode forth with mighty pride and purpose.

So no matter how bleak the situation, how nihilistic the state of play, rest assured that there’s always a pair of ‘Emergency Underpants’ that you can take out, dust off and slip on to get through the day. They may not be pretty, they may not be comfortable, but they’ll do the job and sometimes that’s all you can ask for.